Far From The Madding crowd.

Greetings all. Yes, times are weird and getting weirder. Difficulties abound and everyone is dealing with SOMEthing. You. Me. Them. Everybody. And we're all trying to figure out what the hell to do next.

Dear AAP -
I grew up in a fairly big town and moved to a US big city. I’ve traveled a bit more than most people and have spent a lot of time in big cities in Europe, Japan etc. I’m lucky that way, but lately I’m just getting sick of all the people. I think about moving back to a SMALL town - definitely NOT my hometown, or finding someplace completely remote and isolated even. Is it because I’m 32 now? or is it because people eventually seek peace and quiet? I guess my real question is: Is it possible to burn out on urban living? Is it unusual to get sick of mankind? Is this a phase that’ll pass or should I listen to it and make changes? – UnAntiSocial


Dear UAS
This is one of those questions where it would be really helpful to know for sure the sex of the person asking it. Based on the language used, I’m guessing ‘male’ because you mentioned taking it as far as isolation on some lonely hilltop… Most of the women I know wouldn’t go quite that far.

I don’t get the feeling that you’re a future Unibomber. You don’t sound especially angry or anti-social. I think you’re just getting tired of spending your days throwing elbows on the subway and your nights in a (probably fairly cramped) apartment. This is understandable, especially these days when, let’s face it, everyone starts their morning with their grimmest game face already in place and our collective fuses are shorter than ever. The collective anxiety level is high and the bigger the crowd you find yourself in, the more palatable that negative vibe is. I know I’m feelin’ it every day here on the West Coast.

I’m a small town guy who turned himself into a city dweller. I’ll admit there are times when I miss the more peaceful rhythms of small town life, not to mention the peace/quiet, the extra space, the cleaner air and the relative safety of the nightdark streets. Part of what you’re feeling could be the “greener pastures” syndrome… and I can promise you that any small town you wander into will have it’s share of life-townies who wish they could escape TO the big city. That’s just human nature. We’re all crazy that way.

Another thing could be this: People often move to big cities (and specific big cities at that) for specific reasons. Sure they want to experience the hustle/bustle & excitement that comes with any urban environment, but usually they’re also hoping to “get somewhere” career-wise etc that would be impossible in their smaller towns. After a few years (or decades) of the endless hustle (and expense) required to just SURVIVE in a big city, lots of folks start asking themselves if it might all be in vain… Is all the sacrifice and outrageous rent cost going to somehow eventually be “worth it?” … Are you now hitting that particular wall? I have no way of knowing because you didn’t talk about what you DO or more importantly, what you wish you were doing in that big city of yours.

A lot of people will tell you the old cliché is true: It is ok to shake things up, to change the direction of your life course, to move somewhere new… as long as you’re moving “toward” something, and not just “away” from something else. While this is generally true, I’ll also say that if the “moving away” urge is particularly strong then that CAN be enough of a reason to get gone. We all feel stuck sometimes… and I have known people who’ve felt that ‘stuck’ feeling for years/decades… and I’m not talking about people being “trapped” in family situations or all that other stuff that has it’s own kind of gravity. I’m talking about people who can’t get out of their own way… The sort of people who don’t realize that they ARE free to go. Free to pack up and hit the road if they really want to. Most folks are only held back by their own inertia.

In spite of how you might be feeling right now, I can tell you that 32 is still plenty “young.” I wish I knew more about your specifics though. There has to be something eating at you that is more specific than a general sense of overcrowding or dis-ease with the teeming masses of your fellow man. Look at all the aspects of your life.
Socially: Do you have a network of friends and relatives?
Economically: Are you happy with your current job and future career prospects?
Physically: Are you eating right and getting enough sleep & exercise?
Mentally: Are you dealing with any depressions or anxiety disorders?
Spiritually: yeah really – Do you feel connected to the greater universe on any sort of level?

It could just be that one or two of these areas are out-of-whack and that by focusing on them the rest of your issues might smooth out and you’ll start to feel good in the ‘hood again… but as I said, you’ve given me little to go on, which makes me also want to tell you that life is short and it needs to be explored. You’ve obviously done that before – traveling as much as you have etc – so maybe your next step IS some time on that remote hillside… Maybe you'll stay up there and live out your days in blissful solitude. Maybe after some serious "alone time" you'll miss mankind afterall and you’ll come bounding back down from the hills with new insights and a desire to hug strangers on the street.