Milo Goes to College ...and doesn't like it...but doesn't hate it either....

Greetings all. Those of you who chose to go the academic route after High School... think back to your freshman year. Love it or hate it, you have to admit that it was a game-changer don't you? ...or am I completely off-base here? This week's question actually puzzled me a little. Let me know what you think.


Dear Ask A Punk =
I have not enjoyed my first year of college. I got through it ok, it wasn’t like a nightmare: I got along with my roommate but we weren’t really friends. and I got decent grades – about what I did in High School. The classes were ok, but they seemed no different from high school either – read this book, take this test, repeat, and just like high school it seemed like it was all stuff I had to take whether I was interested in it or not. I’m not a prude and I like to party as much as some people but not as much as others, and socially it was fine, but it was ALSO just like high school. The jocks hung out with the jocks and we punks hung out together. They had their parties, we had ours. Now we’re just a few days away from the end of the school year and everyone is hugging and saying how much they’ll miss each other and what an awesome year it was and all that stuff. Sure I’ll miss some of my new friends, a little, but “awesome year” ? Did I miss something? I’m sure we’ll all be in contact all summer anyway because everyone is so into each other’s business online with either facebook or myspace or our blogs etc. So we’re all connected, but I don’t feel the big connection.

I don’t know if I want to bother coming back here next year or not. College is a big deal in my family, so I’ll have to go somewhere, but I’m not so sure it would be any different at some other school. I guess I’m saying my life wasn’t horrible and I could always just go back to the same place next September, but I guess I was just expecting more out of it, and am disappointed. – Alma Doesn’t Mat(t)er

Dear ADM
First of all, thanks for the most clever sign-off I’ve seen so far, it makes me feel like Dan Savage.

I have to admit I have puzzled over how to answer this question. Freshman year of college wasn’t the transcendent experience you might have hoped for, but it wasn’t a nightmare either? The whole thing just existed in some huge blah-colored middle ground? I wish you had talked a little bit more about what you were expecting back in early September when your folks dropped you off at the dorm. Maybe you were setting the bar too high?

You were disappointed that you didn’t have much say in what courses you would be taking… Surely you knew that freshmen the world over have to slog through a year or two of “100 level” classes and “core curriculum” requirements. If you had been free to choose all your classes what on earth would you have picked? Are you one of the tiny percentage of frosh who have a rock-solid plan for what their major will be? Somehow I doubt it. Even if you are one of those few, there are certainly some core requirements you have to knock off before you get to the meatier classes.

…but I really don’t think that was it entirely. Something else is bothering you more.

I can tell you that my freshman year was in fact a pretty heavy experience. I was out of my small town for the first time. I wasn’t going to judged by past behavior or by the reputation of my family. I had a clean slate, that I was free dirty in new and creative ways. I bonded deeply with some new friends. I had some unforgettable experiences and some horrible (although equally unforgettable) ones and when I rolled back to MY hometown that first summer I felt like I had run some sort of gauntlet and come out the other side. I also realized something else: I had picked the wrong school. In spite of my new friends etc, I realized on some deep level that I was in the wrong place. It was a difficult thing to admit to myself and to my family since, after all, I had picked the school in the first place… but I had to swallow pride, admit the mistake and start looking around… and as you well know, May is a little bit late to try to wrangle a transfer to a new school for the next year… So I decided to go back to the same place for my sophomore year, but I spent the summer and the Fall semester searching for new schools and submitting applications and generally planning my escape.

I think that might be the way for you to go. I know it is tempting to bail out and not go back to a place you know isn’t working for you, but believe me, it is best to stay IN school … because leaving and then trying to go BACK to school takes on a heavy gravity all it’s own… and before you know it, you’ll blink and realize you’ve been out of school for 2, 3 maybe 4 years and you’ll be thinking “What the hell happened?”

I know – you don’t want to waste your time and money (or your parent’s money.) but you said yourself – Your year at this school wasn’t a horrible or useless experience, it just…wasn’t…enough. It is great that you want that bigger experience, and I’m thinkin’ you’re likely to find it - at a different school. I didn’t get the impression that you were contemplating chucking academia for the Marine or Peace Corps…

So that is my advice: Assume you’ll be going back to the same school next September, and have yourself a good Summer. Earn some money and hang out with your family and friends. BUT – don’t let the escape plan slide. Start gathering info about other schools. Put together a file and start collecting those applications and recommendations. Get a few extra copies of your high school (and college) transcripts… but most importantly, start talking to your family NOW. Let them know what your freshman experience was (to the extent you think they can handle it.) and let them know that you need to make a change. I’m guessing that they’ll support & understand your urge to transfer more than you think.