Destination Unknown.

Greetings. A simple question today, and a long-ass but hopefully useful answer.

Dear AAP =
My band is going on the road in a few weeks and for a few weeks. We’re doing it the old DIY in a van way. Any tips? – Road Wary.

Dear RW -
Congratulations and good for you. Punk Rock isn’t just about slapping songs together on your laptop, uploading them to your myspace page and then bragging about how many pageviews you get… Punk Rock is about setting the music loose on a LIVE audience and then sinking or swimming on the response. One real gig is worth 100 rehearsals. This has always been true.

You’re also lucky to have certain advantages over the punk rock forefathers who paved that DIY highway for you. With things like GPS and cellphones I don’t see how any band has an excuse for being late to a gig anymore, and with myspace etc, there is at least the possibility that, when you roll into a town for the first time, someone might have already listened to a song or two of yours and might already be a budding fan. That sort of connection, before you’ve even played a note for a crowd, is the sort of goodwill we fossils would have killed for. Self-promotion isn’t the dirty word (or words) it might have been. In fact it makes sense to do a little detective work ahead of time. Google every town you’re going to be in, check the maps, locate the clubs, then search the social networking sites for people in the age and taste range you’re hoping to attract… Invite them personally to your show. Send them some art and a link to your music etc… I’m not kidding, even ONE pre-fan in an audience can turn a crowd of strangers into people at least willing to give you a few seconds before deciding whether or not you suck, and those few seconds can make all the difference.

But some things haven’t changed.

Even though it has been a while since I’ve been “in the van.” Some of the people you’re going to have to deal with will be douchebags. Self-styled “promoters” who promised to pay you X-amount will tell you (AFTER you’ve played your set of course) that you’ll actually be getting paid much much less than previously agreed upon… and they’ll have all sorts of reasons – or what normal people call “lies" to explain why… Try to get paid up front, or if you’re all skinny, try to bring along some friends or “roadies” who bookers and promoters wouldn’t want to tangle with. It’s not a guarantee that you’ll get paid, but at least it improves your odds. That said, try not to approach every situation with a bad attitude. There ARE a lot of people who want to put up a good show and treat the bands with the respect they deserve – Try to give people the benefit of the doubt… the first time. Here is where the internet comes in handy again... People can't get away with screwing every band that comes to their club/show to play anymore. Research everyone, find out what their reputations are before you even agree to play their venue.

As a band you'll always have to form a united front to everyone on the outside. The more people who are involved, the tougher it gets to maintain this appearance, so even though you might need a roadie or two, keep the entourage as small as possible. Girlfriends, boyfriends and significant others should all stay home... not because you want to cheat on them, but because when tough "band decisions" need to be made quickly and on the fly, they'll all think they should get a vote... and that's when the horrors start. Trust me on this one.

Here are a few more specific pointers:
1) Keep an eye on your gear. I know it sucks, but people are going to steal stuff... and by “your gear” I don’t just mean the obvious stuff like guitars and amps, but also all that little stuff. People in the audience as well as in other bands will try to snatch your effects pedals, patch cables and microphones. Sometimes it is because they need the gear, and sometimes it is just because they’re dipshit drunks… either way the costs add up fast.

2) Keep an eye on your drummer – If he/she is any good other bands will try to steal him/her too. There aren’t enough decent drummers in the world. Be nice to yours – Help your drummer load in & load out. Let him have a window seat once in a while. Teach him how to use a fork. He’ll be grateful for the attention and more likely to stay loyal.

3) Buy the sound guy a beer before your set. When you’re an out-of-town band, nothing can kill you faster than a guy on the soundboard who doesn’t like you… It’s like there is a hidden button on the board labeled “SUCK." If you don’t want him pushing it during your set, let him know you appreciate his hard work… and I’m not telling you to suck up or be fake, but REALLY to appreciate what other human beings will be doing to help YOU do a good show. Most sound guys at small clubs and shows are working for free or cheap, so they can see the bands for free and work on their own sound re-enforcement chops. So that beer from your stash will be well-spent… and if he DOES make your band sound good, give him some more after your set too… That’ll set you up with plenty of goodwill for the next time you’re playing in that town, or who knows where else some familiar sound guy will pop up next?

4) …and speaking of drinkin’ for god’s sake, have a someone sober do the driving. I know that might sound like an old man talking but trust me, nothing is lamer than having to cancel a tour because a DUI got your van (AND ALL YOUR GEAR) indefinitely impounded in some strange town or state. Everyone in the band should know how to drive and know that at some point it will be their turn at the wheel… You’re all in this together, right?

5) get a cooler and pack it with food and drink. You’re not going to be making much (or likely ANY) money on this little tour of yours, so you have to cut as many costs as possible. Roadside food stops will cost you more money and time than you want to spend. Figure out what you can all stand eating that won’t go bad if it gets warm. It could be as simple as cans of chili and some bread. If you’re traveling in desert climes, pack gallons of water too, that’s just common sense.

6)You need to travel light, but everyone should bring some extra stuff for their instruments: extra strings, picks, drumsticks, patch cords, BATTERIES for effects pedals etc. I’m telling you, you’ll need it all. Even if you haven’t broken a string in years, you’ll pop one during sound check. Nothing is worse than having to ask the other bands for a high E string while they’re all trying to load in their stuff… and batteries that would last for months at home seem to know when they’re on-stage and wear themselves out in just one or two nights.

7) By all means, bring some merch. CDs of your music. T-shirts etc. But don't go overboard, and don't expect it to be a moneymaker. In fact your merch will probably be a loss leader, but the goal is to get the word out about your band, not to become a T-shirt mogul. You'll be better off pricing things as close to break-even price as possible, and even giving T-shirts away if people are clamoring for them. If you can sell enough to cover your gas money, consider it a win.

8) Other useful stuff: Duct tape. It might be a stupid cliché but it is true: You’ll use duct tape for something every damn night. Nail Clippers: I know that sounds dumb too, but it won’t be the one time you have to tear half your nail off because it is screwing up your fingering. Crazy Glue: great for first aid: gluing together minor cuts on fingers etc. I know it sounds pansy, but it isn’t if you’re trying to play with cut or a big raw blister on a finger….and of course an actual first aid kit would probably be useful too.

What more can I tell you? Gas up the van, hit the road, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Try to be decent and human to the people you meet. Open yourself up to the experience of being in new places and meeting new people. Know ahead of time that “the plan” for the tour or the show or even the lunch break is subject to change at any moment, for reasons you can’t yet even begin to imagine… just go with it.. and remember its all Rock and Roll…