Suburban Dad at a Crossroads.

Greetings. The weather is warming here in Southern California. I'm not saying that to annoy my dear readers in the Snow Belt, it is just something I've noticed on my 2-3 hour walks. I'm still unemployed and still hoping for the best, but I've decided that I have to keep moving, otherwise I sit & stew. I realize I could be doing more AAP posts, given all of this free time, but I spend a good portion of the day emailing, job-searching and beefing up my computer skills/chops online and then I just have to get out of the chair. So I'm doing my best to keep the posts coming at the usual regular intervals... here we go with this week's question:

Dear Ask a Punk -
I purchased a studded leather belt about a year ago to get in touch with my inner punk. It's given me excellent results but I now find myself wanted to take it to the next level. Is a nipple piercing an acceptable form of punk rebellion for a 38-year-old suburban father? – Easy Fiend

Dear EF-
Well, the real problem would be: Where and when. if anywhere or ever, is it acceptable for a 38 year-old suburban dad to walk around without a shirt on? While washing the car? While mowing the lawn? During the yearly family vacation to Burning Man? … because really the "rebellion" part would come from displaying such a thing in public, wouldn’t it? “Freaking out the Squares” as they used to say? Otherwise, a pierced nipple under a tastefully tailored Polo shirt would mostly go unnoticed, possibly ruin your nice shirt, and probably just chafe a lot.

Of course a pierced nipple under a conservative shirt might work on an entirely different level. It might hint at a mysterious, experimental and perhaps dark, private life… one that probably includes a lot of furniture that the kids aren’t even allowed to see, never mind sit on… but that is a whole different kettle of fish. (note to readers: no fish were harmed while researching the answer to this AAP question.)

In the end though, a pierced nipple would be acceptable punk rebellion for most folks, but it is also totally unnecessary. I’m glad the studded belt gave you some “good results.” but what does that mean exactly? Much like the punctured nipple, that sort of outward “show” really isn’t, in and of itself, “Punk” now is it? Any purist, either old-school or new, will tell you that it has to be about the music first… and how THAT makes you feel… then, if the music makes you want run out and find some Bettie Page look-alike who’ll shove metal spikes through your tender body parts (for money,) well then that is a more legit way to go… Wouldn’t you agree?

But what are you really rebelling against, Johnny?

I have to admit that I’m not a suburban dad, but I have plenty of suburban dad (and mom) friends who’ve given me an earful about the weirdly suffocating feelings they have, even though they know they’re lucky enough to be living something close to the American Dream. They’re blessed with jobs, healthy kids and a “Hey, nobody shot at me today” lifestyle that would sound like paradise on earth to 85% of the planet’s human population…but….. still… it … just…. wears… thin….on….them. The pressure to KEEP that lifestyle going is as immense as the urge to really shake the crap out of your life’s very foundations… Anything to relieve the pressure/ennui/boredom. A little randomness, a little chaos, a little …anarchy? …not capital “A” anarchy, just the lower case variety… Some drama or at least a chance to show your friends & families and the world that you’re NOT some predictable cliche' of a man (or woman) that everyone has completely figured out. As much as we want our significant others to understand us, I don’t think anyone ever wants to feel completely ‘figured out.’ No one wants to be thought of as 100% predictable.

So I would say, don’t pierce anything just now. Download a big steaming pile of punk music and start there. See where it takes you. Hey! Maybe buy a guitar! … but for God's sake, DON’T start talking about “putting a band together” because that really sounds like cliche' middle-aged talk, but going in the basement and making a nice loud honking racket is always a good way to shake things up a bit, and there’s less risk of infection.