To Oi! or not to Oi! That is the Question...

Fall. Everyone is back in school and, I don't care how old you are, nothing has really changed.

Hello askapunk!
I'm 13 year old male and living in a suburb of a large mid-western city. My father is an aging skinhead and lives in an adjoining state (I assume being a punk you have at least heard or moshed with some skins before.) and about 4-5 months ago I visited him with a shaved head, looking back I don't really know what I was thinking at the time, all I know is that now I'm a skinhead. He told me about the history and culture, and every Saturday we went out to the bars and moshed with the crew, best time of my life.

I decide to go to school, some reasons related to being a skin and some not. There are some local skaters in town that wear misfit T-shirts, are these punks? I'm having a hard time deciding "who I am" in school. I want to be a skinhead 100% but most of the time that means funny looks no friends and people screwing with me. I understand the goal as a punk is not to have people smile at you all the time, but without anyone to talk to it just gets oppressive.How do you think skaters would react if a kid with cropped hair, a fred perry, and Doc martens came to the skatepark? I am an Oi! and hardcore skinhead. I'm thinking this is going to be a little hard to answer. I just want some advice as to if I should dress all the time, how well you think a skinheads music and beliefs would mesh with a skaters? - OiOiOi

Dear OOO-
You've actually asked and/or raised several questions here. I'll try to unspool them all without too much babbling on and on, but I make no promises. You also did ask for my opinion after all, so you'll be getting some of that too. At the core of it all though is the question that everyone hopefully starts asking themselves by thirteen: "Well, who the f--- AM I REALLY anyway?" ...and yes, I said everyone. Even the kids who seem so clearly part of an established tribe; the jocks, or cheerleaders, or nerds (or whatever they're all called in your school.) I can promise you that all of them lay awake at night wondering if they're really who they appear to be, or if they're impostors. They ask themselves what they'd really rather be if they only had the courage to be & show their true selves... but High School (in America anyway,) isn't usually about true self-discovery & personal growth. Sadly, it is most often just about survival & endurance... and how do human beings survive and endure in a hostile environment? By forming into tribes, that is how. And how does someone get into a tribe, any tribe? By conforming to certain standards of behavior, dress, attitude and opinion that more or less match the tribe they're hoping to be a part of, whether they really believe those things or not.

That's an awful lot of talk from me, just to address the middle (and most important) question in your letter. " I'm having a hard time deciding "who I am" in school....I understand the goal as a punk is not to have people smile at you all the time, but without anyone to talk to it just gets oppressive"

Yes, it can sure be oppressive. I think I've said it on this blog before - especially in the teen years - when you're going through SO much stuff (both the good and the bad) no one really wants to go through all of it alone. So you put on a uniform, in your case you skin your head and lace up your Doc Martens. You have to know that making that "statement" is going to label you as something in the minds of the people who are meeting you for the first time, for the same reasons that, if you see a guy wearing his letterman jacket at the mall, you're going to assume he's a jock.

In your case though, the tricky part is that the whole punk/skinhead/oi! look is ripe for mis-interpretation. You mentioned that your dad, "an aging skinhead" (who is probably younger than me. ha!) taught you about the "history and culture." .... but WHICH history and culture? Many people still automatically equate skinheads with racist and white supremacist culture. This isn't accurate of course. A huge percentage of self-identified "skinheads" are actively NON-racist, right down to their "Nazi Punks Fuck Off" T-shirts...Heck even the "Straight Edge" crowd is often skinheaded... but I would be lying if I said that a strong racist subculture didn't also exist, in spite of the fact that, if you go allll the way back, "Oi!" culture, was most deeply rooted in Jamaican and Ska music... sure it was proudly "working class" as all hell, but it sure as heck wasn't necessarily racist. I'm sure some readers will disagree with me on this. That's ok. Your question wasn't about that anyway... just when I saw your reference to "history and culture" I had to ask the question. I'm more concerned with the fact that your dad took his 13 year-old son to "bars" ...I'm hoping you really meant that he took you to "all-ages shows where, maybe, beer was available for the over 21 crowd," but perhaps I'm being naive... but enough about all that.

I think, if you're being honest, you know exactly why you shaved your head before visiting your dad. It was the same reason I pretended to give a crap about playing football from age 10-14 (even though, at the time, I didn't KNOW I was pretending.) We want to connect with our dads. I think we're genetically programmed to seek their approval & blessing (if not actual friendship) as children, and the degree to which we're successful or unsuccessful at that is what keeps the therapy industry alive and well. Know what I mean?

I think the fact that you're asking IF you should dress like a punk all the time tells me much of what I need to know. As much as you like the music, and even the "history and culture," and like the connection it gives you to your dad, it still feels a bit like a costume to you. Something you can put on...or not. I bet sometimes the weight that comes with that costume is pretty heavy: The uninformed opinions of total strangers, the hassles from other groups/tribes and all the rest of it... but then at other moments you'll want to rebel against those people who would be so stupid as to judge you based on what setting you use on your hair clippers, and of course, now that you know how important punk/oi! was/is to your dad, well, now you have to worry about letting him down, or thinking you might.

Here's the thing: It takes more than a Misfits T-shirt to make someone a punk. And it also takes less. Some of the most dedicated punks I grew up with looked and acted more like librarians than revolutionaries, but they felt, and felt deeply, the music's messages and power. Putting on a studded belt and a bomber jacket, for them, would have been a hollow pose. It wouldn't have authentically been who they were. ..and isn't THAT the biggest of all possible sins here? Being a poser? I think so. Trust me, I know how useless advice like "just be true to yourself" can be when you're trying to figure out who you actually are... but if you can at least get close to it as you go along, you'll be doing better than most.

and the final, direct part of your question: Would skaters get a long with a skinhead? Well, if they're really skaters, they would judge you almost purely on how well or poorly you skated, wouldn't they? Otherwise they're probably just posers at the skatepark - spending more time carrying their boards around than they do actually riding them. Heck, here in Los Angeles a new young African-American subculture is bubbling up from South Central (called "jerking") that involves some specific hip-hop sub-genre music, bright clothes, skinny jeans and Skateboarding. yes, skateboarding! What would the lords of your local skatepark think of that? ...and would they realize how little their opinions would matter to these other kids who honestly dressing, expressing (and skating) how they feel.

I've babbled enough. You sound like a good guy who is asking all the right questions about himself. Give yourself some time to hear your answers and trust what you feel is real.