Flying Solo on Christmas.

DEAR AAP-
I'm not looking forward to going home for the holidays. I get along with my family just fine so this isn't one of THOSE questions. The problem is I'm going to have to explain what happened to my boyfriend and the truth is I don't really know what the hell happened to him. We've been going out since July and it seemed like things were going well- not exactly "serious" but our friends definitely considered us a "couple" and between emails, texts, cellphones or facebook we managed to connect somehow nearly every day, In spite of other commitments like jobs (mostly his) or band rehearsals (mostly mine.) ...but suddenly it is like he has vanished off the face of the earth, or he at least wants me to think he has. After months of communicating every day and seeing each other at least once a week, often twice a week, it has now been WEEKS since he has returned a call, text or email. I know he is alive. He isn't in a coma somewhere or the morgue. We have mutual friends who have spotted him at his - and our - usual haunts. It makes no sense.

I'm not an idiot. I've been dumped before and I have also dumped my share of guys, but there has always been a reason or a fight or some kind of deal-breaker either on my part or theirs, but in this case there was nothing. We didn't have a fight. As far as my friends can tell there isn't another girl on his arm. It is just like he has gotten amnesia. and sure NOW I'm mad, because he hasn't bothered to tell me what or why and all that, but I'm not going off the deep end. I'm not about to stalk him or try to win him back. I don't even want to confront him really, but I know that sooner or later we're going to run into each other and what the hell happens then? Is he going to pretend he never met me? Is he going to have an explanation? What's all the big mystery about? I'm not saying I won't punch him in the face, but I am saying that I'm not looking to punch him in the face automatically. I thought things were pretty good like I said. We didn't have a fight and now, getting back to my family and the holidays - I of course told my family that I was seeing someone and that it was a steady thing and now when I get home there will be questions questions questions. If I know them, they'll have even wrapped a present of two for me to bring back to him. So how do I tell them what is going on without making a big deal of THAT too? -- Single for New Years. I guess.

Dear SfNW.IG-
As I read it, there are two main questions here: 1) Why did the boy pull this vanishing act? and 2) How will you explain this inexplicable break-up to your family? ...ok here goes...

Why did the boy pull this vanishing act?
While I don't have a clear idea how old you and he are, I could guess that you're probably still fairly young (20s to early 30s) in which case I would say that he might have just been freaked out by the very fact that he "suddenly" discovered he was half of a "couple" and even though things were OK, and there were no fights or deal-breakers, he just decided it was just getting tooooo serious for him, so he bailed. I'm not excusing his behavior. I'm just guessing at what might have caused him to back off. The fact that he is too chickensh*t to look you in the eye, or at the very least text you with his reasons, speaks volumes about his maturity level (and by that, I mean his lack thereof.) and tells me that, however confusing or painful it might feel right now, you're better off without him.

Of course, I'm assuming your version of the relationship is true and accurate. You might want to ask some of those mutual friends how the relationship looked to them, although I'm guessing you have already done this... had long conversations that started with "Was it me?" and "Am I the crazy one here or is this F-ed up?"

...but like you said - You're not devastated by this break-up. You're confused and you're feeling a bit ill-used sure, but unless you were just adopting a casual tone in the name of self-protection, your letter sounds like you really don't miss him all that much. Your heart isn't broken as much as your pride is hurt. There is a big-ass difference. So I say - just count your blessings and move on. Delete his phone number, email address and FB profile and turn him into the ghost he was trying to become. I can understand that not knowing "why?" can bother you, but it sounds like the answer wouldn't be worth the effort to get to anyway. Move on, and try not to punch him in the face when/if you do see him... unless you're absolutely sure it is the only way you'll achieve real 'closure' and you're absolutely sure you can get away with it.

What do you tell your family? Tell them you two broke up. When they ask why/how? you can just say: "ohh, for the usual reasons." which, let's face it, would be true. What makes you think you have to give them the full story anyway? I'm not saying you should lie to your family, I'm just saying there wouldn't be much point in re-hashing the whole mystery of the vanishing boyfriend while you're all gathered round the Yule Log. They don't need to hear all the details any more than you need to be dredging them up again. Be honest, but feel free to be vague, unless you want your romantic misadventures to be the main topic of your holiday visit.