Dear ask a punk- I don't know if you'll get to this question before the new year starts, but I'm wondering- How do I make 2010 better than 2009? I mean what is the key to make sure I don't find myself in 12 months feeling like I do today? because I feel like crap and look like crap and I'm angry and frustrated. Like nothing has happened in my life and nothing will next year either. How do I look forward to looking forward? - Stalled.
Dear Stalled -
You ask a valid question. As much as some people try to shrug off the 'New Year' as just an arbitrary page flip of the calendar, numbers have power. We look up at the stars in late December and worry that the past 12 months have added up to a whole lot of nothing and that all we've accomplished in the past 365.25 days was manage to once again ride the planet completely around the sun without falling off. That isn't a lot to hang your hat on.
I do feel it is necessary to add a short pep talk here and tell you to give yourself some credit for ANYthing you managed to accomplish this year. We have all accomplished something - we have survived. In an especially tough year like 2009, the fact that you're still standing is something of an achievement, believe me...but now is the time to look forward. How do we make 2010 fundamentally different (and by that we mean "better") than 2009? I can tell you it is NOT about making "New Year's Resolutions" but I am going to tell you to begin by grabbing a pen & paper and writing some stuff down.
Ready?
Think back over the year that is now wrapping up and try to figure out how you spent your time. A certain (large) percentage of your year was probably spent doing things you "have" to do such as: earning a living, feeding & sheltering yourself (and possibly your family), living up to family and societal obligations from coaching little league to raking your leaves to sitting in rush hour traffic without going berserk to showing up at work each day without a flamethrower. Write it all down. Give yourself some credit for doing all of that.
Now write down everything you did that didn't fall under the "have to" categories. These are the behaviors that you'll probably need to examine and alter if you want to wrap up 2010 feeling better about yourself than you do now. Some of these behaviors might be accurately described as: habits, regrets and counter-productive activities. Be honest with yourself here.
Now the most important part: Write down what you would like to "accomplish" in 2010. Do not think of these as "New Year's Resolutions" ...that just sets you up for failure. Think of them simply as "goals" ...or even simpler: Think of it as a "to-do" list. Seriously. Just like items on a to-do list, goals can be large or small, simple or complex. Writing them down gives them a reality they won't have if they're just floating around in your head. Do not over-think this. The first things that leap to mind are probably the most pressing.
While it is a good idea to have long-range goals, plans and hopes, I want you to look over the list you just made and focus on the more concrete and simple ideas... The sorts of goals you really could accomplish within the next 12 months. You probably can't lose 150 pounds, but you could lose 30 or 40, if you made that a goal and a priority. If you're starting from zero you probably won't become a world-famous author in 2010, but you could certainly crank out a 60,000 word first draft, or at the very least a solid outline. That would be a good step, wouldn't it? You get the idea.
But you still have to figure out what changes you need to make in your life and your self to make these goals attainable. This is why "New Year's Resolutions" by themselves usually fail... because there are really 2 steps to the process. First, you have to figure out what it is, exactly, that you want to do, and then you have to overcome whatever obstacles stand between you and those goals... and guess what... almost ALL of the obstacles are self-imposed and self-inflicted. We're so often our own worst enemies and we stand in the way of our own progress.
...am I projecting a little bit here? yeah, probably, but that doesn't make it any less true.
That feeling you get in December, which you described as anger and frustration is also colored with regret. We hate feeling like we're wasting time and breath. When the New Year approaches we can't avoid looking back at the 'old' year and seeing where we failed to improve our lives or ourselves. It can be paralyzing. It can make you feel like giving up is the only viable option. But you would be wrong. For all of our faults, human beings are capable of staggering feats of change. Never count anyone out completely, including yourself.
As I type this, I'm looking at the list of "Goals for 2009" that I wrote down and taped to my calendar 11 months ago. Of the eleven goals I wrote down, I can honestly say that I accomplished maybe five and a half of them. Not great. Not my best year, but certainly not my worst either.
One final note. These goals or 'to-do's shouldn't all be inwardly directed. Your life can't only be about "make more money", "get a better job", "lose weight", "get a new car" etc... Think about adding some goals like "do some volunteer work", "organize a family reunion", "end a fight/grudge with ______", "Remember all my friends' birthdays" There are many ways to improve the quality of your life... many ways to look back on a year as "well spent" and very few of them have anything to do with your wallet or waistline.
Good luck and Happy New Year.
Posts
