Oct 16, 2013

Bad Romance or Bad Romeo?

Dear Ask A Punk -
My girlfriend and I broke up. We're in our late twenties, so this isn't some teenage highschool thing. We were together for six years and we lived together or almost two of them, but now it is over. It is devastatingly sad. It isn't either person's "fault" is is just one of those things where we seemed to go as far as we could and then we just didn't like each other as much anymore. It was her idea to move out and to officially break up. So why does everyone in our circle of friends act like it was either my fault or my idea to break up? And it is a pretty small scene here. I know that every bar or club I go to, I'm going to run into someone I and we know, and they're going to probably take her side. She moved out on me, am I supposed to now move out of town? - Single.

Dear Single -
Well, now we know your side of the story at least. If everyone in your circle of friends is looking at you with that "WTF?!" look in their eyes, perhaps you need to re-examine your role in the demise of your relationship.

Just because she's the one who chose to break-up and move out doesn't necessarily mean that it is also all her "fault." Maybe you're not the charming and selfless boyfriend you seem to think you were. Generally, sane people break up and move out when the other person's behavior becomes intolerable. You didn't describe your girlfriend as crazy or unstable, and even if you did, I would still be somewhat suspect of your version of how things went down.

The fact that you're so concerned about "fault" and what your friends are saying tells me that, even though you're in your 20s, the mentality still feels a bit high school to me. Sure, some friends might be more likely to take her side over yours, but if everyone seems to be on the same page about YOUR culpability in this...except you... maybe it is time to re-examine things more objectively. I am sure plenty of your mutual friends will have something to say, why don't you try just listening to them for a little while without interrupting.

That is - if you want to get back together... and I really don't assume that because aside from a brief mention of it being "devastatingly sad" it sounds like all you're really concerned about is what all your friends currently think of you. It doesn't sound like you're hoping to get back together with this girl, you're just worried about salvaging your reputation.