Dear AAP=
When are you going to answer some punk rock questions again? Jesus Christ, it seems like you’ve gotten 2010 off to a lame start. You should review albums or something …If punks aren’t reading your site maybe you should call it something else. - Unsigned.
Dear Unsigned.
Really? The Internet needs more album review sites? I had no idea. It probably took you .0004 seconds to accidentally stumble onto this site. If it wasn’t what you were looking for you could have just clicked away and gotten on with your life, but instead you just had to write something snarky and now we have to engage… even though I know you probably won’t even see this response… so why did I even pick this question to answer?
Perhaps it was a slightly slow week mail-wise, or maybe I’m just in the sort of mood required to respond to such a “question.” …Mostly by repeating what I always say in these situations: I respond to the questions people send in. As long as it sounds honest and sincere, I try not to judge the questioner or the question. I have to assume that ANYone, punk or otherwise, who has read some of my posts and then decides to send in a question must think that I’ll have some useful insights. …And besides, wasn’t punk supposed be about inclusion and not exclusion?
I do love how the anonymous emailer can make assumptions... How does he/she know whether or not "the punks" are reading this website? ...and I especially love his/her solution... the grand thing that would make this site more "punk rock" ...... album reviews.... genius. Why share such a surefire idea with me dear reader? Why not put up your own site and post record reviews (or download reviews I guess) ...you'll make millions!
OK, I'll admit that was a little over the top, but really, it just reminds me of how useless "critics." self-appointed or otherwise, often are... Let the doers do, then let the people decide, based on their eyeballs, time or dollars what is good and what isn't.
Feb 3, 2010
Jan 27, 2010
The Keyboard and the Damage Done...
This week's question covers some ground we've gone over before, but it is worth revisiting.
DEAR ask a punk- How do I know if I’m spending too much time online? - Cyber Queen.
Dear CQ-
I don’t pretend to be an expert about addiction and excess, but I’ll contend that I’m no novice either. I think the jury is still out on whether or not true “internet addiction” exists, but I think reasonable people can agree that there is such a thing as “spending to much time online.” … And if you’re asking the question, chances are you’re at the very least getting on thin ice or shaky ground (or insert your own metaphor here.)
I could ask the usual Dr. Drew-esque questions that apply when trying to figure out if a person is addicted to something: Are you experiencing negative consequences due to the time you spend online? Is your job performance being negatively effected? Are your real-time relationships being negatively effected? Are you shutting down other parts of your life to make more room/time for being online? Are you gaining weight and getting less exercise, because you’re online instead? Do you feel like you’re not in control of how much time you’re spending online? Are either the time you spend online or your behaviors while online causing you to experience feelings of shame etc? Pretty basic stuff. To get deeper into it, I would suggest you go to the NetAddiction website and take their quiz.
…And yes, I recognize the irony of sending someone to an online resource for help with their possible online addiction, but hey, the internet IS a useful tool… Like so many other things, the internet itself isn’t the problem- it is how people use it that matters. I wish you had given me a clearer idea of what you’re doing with all that online time… That would have been helpful to know.
I spend a fair amount of time online (especially lately since I have less work than usual) In addition to Ask A Punk I maintain or regularly contribute to nearly a dozen other websites. My Google Reader is also loaded with news and info sites that I check daily for updates since I don’t read a newspaper or have cable TV anymore ...so these sorts of activities actually take the place of watching CNN, reading newspapers etc. I have some friends that I know exclusively from online interactions, which I think is part of the new techno-social order of things, but those can’t come at the expense of real-world friendships, connections and/or relationships. I think these are all part of the positive social changes we’ve gotten from the internet. Personally, I have stayed well away from the MMORPG games etc, because they seem like a surefire superhighway to internet addiction - for me that is, not necessarily for other folks. In much the same way that a glass of champagne might be a fun midnight toast to some people, but an express ticket to hell for others.
Of course we have to realize that internet addiction is different from alcohol or drug addiction. In some ways it is more like an eating disorder because in order to function in today's highly-connected society, people can’t “put down” the internet completely, just as people can’t stop eating - At this point in human society we all MUST use the internet for email and information and interaction etc, that much is unavoidable, but we can’t let it take over our lives either.
As I said earlier - If you’re asking the question, it might be a sign of trouble. Congratulate yourself for having that much insight… but take the next steps too - REALLY examine this and if there is a problem be brave enough to ask for help and get your life back on track.
DEAR ask a punk- How do I know if I’m spending too much time online? - Cyber Queen.
Dear CQ-
I don’t pretend to be an expert about addiction and excess, but I’ll contend that I’m no novice either. I think the jury is still out on whether or not true “internet addiction” exists, but I think reasonable people can agree that there is such a thing as “spending to much time online.” … And if you’re asking the question, chances are you’re at the very least getting on thin ice or shaky ground (or insert your own metaphor here.)
I could ask the usual Dr. Drew-esque questions that apply when trying to figure out if a person is addicted to something: Are you experiencing negative consequences due to the time you spend online? Is your job performance being negatively effected? Are your real-time relationships being negatively effected? Are you shutting down other parts of your life to make more room/time for being online? Are you gaining weight and getting less exercise, because you’re online instead? Do you feel like you’re not in control of how much time you’re spending online? Are either the time you spend online or your behaviors while online causing you to experience feelings of shame etc? Pretty basic stuff. To get deeper into it, I would suggest you go to the NetAddiction website and take their quiz.
…And yes, I recognize the irony of sending someone to an online resource for help with their possible online addiction, but hey, the internet IS a useful tool… Like so many other things, the internet itself isn’t the problem- it is how people use it that matters. I wish you had given me a clearer idea of what you’re doing with all that online time… That would have been helpful to know.
I spend a fair amount of time online (especially lately since I have less work than usual) In addition to Ask A Punk I maintain or regularly contribute to nearly a dozen other websites. My Google Reader is also loaded with news and info sites that I check daily for updates since I don’t read a newspaper or have cable TV anymore ...so these sorts of activities actually take the place of watching CNN, reading newspapers etc. I have some friends that I know exclusively from online interactions, which I think is part of the new techno-social order of things, but those can’t come at the expense of real-world friendships, connections and/or relationships. I think these are all part of the positive social changes we’ve gotten from the internet. Personally, I have stayed well away from the MMORPG games etc, because they seem like a surefire superhighway to internet addiction - for me that is, not necessarily for other folks. In much the same way that a glass of champagne might be a fun midnight toast to some people, but an express ticket to hell for others.
Of course we have to realize that internet addiction is different from alcohol or drug addiction. In some ways it is more like an eating disorder because in order to function in today's highly-connected society, people can’t “put down” the internet completely, just as people can’t stop eating - At this point in human society we all MUST use the internet for email and information and interaction etc, that much is unavoidable, but we can’t let it take over our lives either.
As I said earlier - If you’re asking the question, it might be a sign of trouble. Congratulate yourself for having that much insight… but take the next steps too - REALLY examine this and if there is a problem be brave enough to ask for help and get your life back on track.
Jan 20, 2010
Six Strings. A million choices.
A seemingly simple question this week that has no real right or wrong answer.
DEAR AAP-
Gibson or Fender? - Newbie.
Dear N-
The shortest answer is: “Neither, either or both, whatever feels right to you.” But since regular readers know that short answers just aren’t my “way.” Let’s unpack this question a little bit and see where it might lead. God knows I’ve got the time today - I’m serving jury duty.
Since you’re ‘new’ I’m guessing you’re mostly thinking about guitars only in terms of what they look like. That’s ok… a good-looking guitar is a beauty for all. Gibsons and Fenders certainly have the classic shapes we think of when we think of electric guitars - going all the way back to the 50’s. There are just to many examples to site. We know what we’re talking about here.
So looks might well be your starting point, but I’ll tell you this, you may be dreaming of owning a Les Paul, but when you pick it up, it might not FEEL at all like you expected it to. Feel is tricky. Feel has to do with many little factors from string spacing, to the shape of the neck to how the guitar feels when it hangs off your shoulder from the guitar strap… You’re not going to know for sure until you’ve actually held it in your hands. Buying guitars is like buying shoes (well, loud shoes) .. You might be a size 10, but you know that there are many size 10s that you wouldn’t buy because they hurt your feet.
You’ve got to start picking up a bunch of guitars, I mean literally picking them up and holding them. Even if you can’t play a note yet. If your friends have guitars, grab at ‘em next time you’re at one of their houses (ask first.) Go to some well-stocked guitar stores and try some out. How do your fingers feel on the strings? How does your hand feel when it wraps around the neck? How heavy is it? On your knee? On a strap? Does one guitar feel more comfortable than another?
Realize that you’re going to have “helpful” salesmen hovering all around you grabbing guitars out of your hands and shoving other ones into them. Telling you what “looks good” and what you “should get.” Be strong and ignore them. In fact leave your credit card or checkbook (or jar of nickels) at home… If by some miracle you DO find the perfect feeling guitar right out of the gate, chances are good it’ll still be there tomorrow.
…Unless you’re left-handed like I am. In which case you’ll have few guitars to choose from and you’ll always feel a desperate twitchy dread every time you leave a store without buying some sweet / rare southpaw guitar. Some other day I’ll devote a few thousand words to my “Lefties get screwed when it comes to guitars” rant.
…So let’s get back to you. We’ve talked about looks and feel, but we haven’t even mentioned what is ultimately THE most important part: How the guitar sounds. What sound do you have in your head that you want to come out through your fingers? I know you probably can’t describe it, but it is the sort of thing you’ll know when you hear and feel it. This brings up the issue of pick-ups (the little magnetized doohickeys that sit under the strings that capture the sound) …sigh… once again, it would take a few thousand words to talk about single-coil vs. Humbucker pickups and all the on-board effects etc that some guitars now have. It really comes down to plugging them in and bashing at the one or two chords you DO know… sound good? Are you just going for loud? It is really up to you.
You might discover that the sound you want only comes from some guitar type you never would have considered based purely on looks… Here we get into solidbody vs. hollowbody guitars etc (and you have wikipedia to sort all that out… I can’t be typing this ALL day.) My main point is: Keep an open mind, and you might be surprised by what you pick. Also - you have to figure out what you’re willing and able to spend. You might WANT a sweet Gibson Les Paul, but you might not have the couple grand to lay down for one. Your options include finding a guitar that mimics that distinctive shape (and hopefully mimics that distinctive sound too.) or you might have to go in some other direction.
Me? As I said earlier - as a lefty I’m automatically at a disadvantage. The picture of me from 1984 (to the right) shows me playing a hollow body guitar that I never liked the feel of very much, but it was cheap and it sounded “good enough” for punk rock. A few years ago I donated it, and a cheap lefty Les Paul copy (that looked nice, and felt comfortable... but sounded dull) to the Rock and Roll Camp for Girls in Portland OR. In addition to those two, I have gone through 4 or 5 assorted cheap guitars I’ve found at pawnshops, usually right-handed guitars that I then restrung “upside down” for lefties… so they always looked a bit ‘off’ and they were always unbalanced and awkward when I tried to stand up and play them. The picture at the top of this website is of my left-handed Fender Telecaster. I bought it new in 1987 and it is the best $450 I ever spent. I have treated it terribly (some might say mercilessly) and it as stood up to every bit of abuse. It is certainly ‘beaten up’ now, but the neck is still straight, and it plays beautifully. It has single coil pickups and I love the twangy "skroink" of the single-coil pick-ups. I also have a Fender Strat that is equally sweet, but I rarely play it. As much as I’ve always liked the look and sound of Les Pauls, I have yet to find one (out of the few rare lefties I’ve ever picked up) that felt good in my hands… maybe someday.
So that’s it. A 1000 word non-answer. There’s no wrong choice here.
You want to rock --- Choose your weapon.
DEAR AAP-
Gibson or Fender? - Newbie.
Dear N-
The shortest answer is: “Neither, either or both, whatever feels right to you.” But since regular readers know that short answers just aren’t my “way.” Let’s unpack this question a little bit and see where it might lead. God knows I’ve got the time today - I’m serving jury duty.
Since you’re ‘new’ I’m guessing you’re mostly thinking about guitars only in terms of what they look like. That’s ok… a good-looking guitar is a beauty for all. Gibsons and Fenders certainly have the classic shapes we think of when we think of electric guitars - going all the way back to the 50’s. There are just to many examples to site. We know what we’re talking about here.
So looks might well be your starting point, but I’ll tell you this, you may be dreaming of owning a Les Paul, but when you pick it up, it might not FEEL at all like you expected it to. Feel is tricky. Feel has to do with many little factors from string spacing, to the shape of the neck to how the guitar feels when it hangs off your shoulder from the guitar strap… You’re not going to know for sure until you’ve actually held it in your hands. Buying guitars is like buying shoes (well, loud shoes) .. You might be a size 10, but you know that there are many size 10s that you wouldn’t buy because they hurt your feet.
You’ve got to start picking up a bunch of guitars, I mean literally picking them up and holding them. Even if you can’t play a note yet. If your friends have guitars, grab at ‘em next time you’re at one of their houses (ask first.) Go to some well-stocked guitar stores and try some out. How do your fingers feel on the strings? How does your hand feel when it wraps around the neck? How heavy is it? On your knee? On a strap? Does one guitar feel more comfortable than another?
Realize that you’re going to have “helpful” salesmen hovering all around you grabbing guitars out of your hands and shoving other ones into them. Telling you what “looks good” and what you “should get.” Be strong and ignore them. In fact leave your credit card or checkbook (or jar of nickels) at home… If by some miracle you DO find the perfect feeling guitar right out of the gate, chances are good it’ll still be there tomorrow.
…Unless you’re left-handed like I am. In which case you’ll have few guitars to choose from and you’ll always feel a desperate twitchy dread every time you leave a store without buying some sweet / rare southpaw guitar. Some other day I’ll devote a few thousand words to my “Lefties get screwed when it comes to guitars” rant.
…So let’s get back to you. We’ve talked about looks and feel, but we haven’t even mentioned what is ultimately THE most important part: How the guitar sounds. What sound do you have in your head that you want to come out through your fingers? I know you probably can’t describe it, but it is the sort of thing you’ll know when you hear and feel it. This brings up the issue of pick-ups (the little magnetized doohickeys that sit under the strings that capture the sound) …sigh… once again, it would take a few thousand words to talk about single-coil vs. Humbucker pickups and all the on-board effects etc that some guitars now have. It really comes down to plugging them in and bashing at the one or two chords you DO know… sound good? Are you just going for loud? It is really up to you.
You might discover that the sound you want only comes from some guitar type you never would have considered based purely on looks… Here we get into solidbody vs. hollowbody guitars etc (and you have wikipedia to sort all that out… I can’t be typing this ALL day.) My main point is: Keep an open mind, and you might be surprised by what you pick. Also - you have to figure out what you’re willing and able to spend. You might WANT a sweet Gibson Les Paul, but you might not have the couple grand to lay down for one. Your options include finding a guitar that mimics that distinctive shape (and hopefully mimics that distinctive sound too.) or you might have to go in some other direction.
Me? As I said earlier - as a lefty I’m automatically at a disadvantage. The picture of me from 1984 (to the right) shows me playing a hollow body guitar that I never liked the feel of very much, but it was cheap and it sounded “good enough” for punk rock. A few years ago I donated it, and a cheap lefty Les Paul copy (that looked nice, and felt comfortable... but sounded dull) to the Rock and Roll Camp for Girls in Portland OR. In addition to those two, I have gone through 4 or 5 assorted cheap guitars I’ve found at pawnshops, usually right-handed guitars that I then restrung “upside down” for lefties… so they always looked a bit ‘off’ and they were always unbalanced and awkward when I tried to stand up and play them. The picture at the top of this website is of my left-handed Fender Telecaster. I bought it new in 1987 and it is the best $450 I ever spent. I have treated it terribly (some might say mercilessly) and it as stood up to every bit of abuse. It is certainly ‘beaten up’ now, but the neck is still straight, and it plays beautifully. It has single coil pickups and I love the twangy "skroink" of the single-coil pick-ups. I also have a Fender Strat that is equally sweet, but I rarely play it. As much as I’ve always liked the look and sound of Les Pauls, I have yet to find one (out of the few rare lefties I’ve ever picked up) that felt good in my hands… maybe someday.
So that’s it. A 1000 word non-answer. There’s no wrong choice here.
You want to rock --- Choose your weapon.
Jan 13, 2010
Brother vs. Sister
Greetings all. Back to business as usual this week. Thanks for all the congratulations that followed last week's "Two Year Anniversary" post... What's up, Alaska?! ...ah well. On to this week's question:
Dear AAP-
My little sister and I play a lot of music together and have for a long time. It was more of a family thing to do, a way to get better at our instruments and have some fun, but I have always known that I didn’t want to play in a band with her or anything. Our styles are too different and even though I enjoy what we play together when we play together, I have no interest in being seen playing it in public. She doesn’t see it that way and so now that I’m going out to jam with friends she can’t understand why I don’t invite her along or something. My parents are on me to include her sometimes, but they don’t get it and don’t want to be a jerk or anything I guess I just want to be left alone by my family when it comes to the music I really want to play versus what I play when I’m sitting around with my sister. So how do I handle them - meaning both my sister and my family? - Brother.
Dear Brother-
I’m glad you signed off with your gender. If you had only thought to include your and your sister’s ages, I would have a clearer idea of both what you’re dealing with and how best to handle it. I’m going to hazard a guess that you’re both fairly young and just starting to branch out and away from family when it comes to how you spend your leisure time.
This issue isn’t just about your sister. It is also, and perhaps mostly, about your parents and their vision (or maybe “fantasy” is a better word) of a “tight knit” family. Forgive them for that - Either they lived rare childhoods themselves or they have inaccurate memories of their pasts. Every parent dreams of having kids that get along together and create a home of peace, cooperation & endless good feeling. Reality tells us that even in the best of families those moments of harmonic convergence can be few, far between and hard-won. Before anyone accuses me of of bitterness or of perhaps projecting my own experience onto everyone else's family, let me say this: The true test of the family bond isn’t necessarily how siblings deal with each other, it is how they take on the rest of the humanity. Even the most battlesome families can’t be entirely dysfunctional if they consistently rise to each other’s defense when out there in the world. You might not want your sister in the band, but I’m guessing you would protect her to your last breath, wouldn’t you? That is what really matters.
You’re obviously at a point in your life where you’re making deeper connections with friends now… and you get to chose your friends based on mutual tastes in music (among other things.) Most people, even those who are deeply and enjoyably connected to their families, will still say that it is their friends who really “get” them. This is normal, especially in those first stages of nest-escape. As much as parents want their kids to get along with each other, they really want (or should want) their kids to be able to move out into the world with confidence, creating an independently strong life for themselves as they go. You have a right to start moving in that direction… just try not to be a D-bag about it.
Keep this in mind: You’re an older brother, so it is a fairly safe bet your sister has an idealized image of you already fully formed in her head. Like it or not, you’re going to play a role in how she learns to deal with boys and men for the rest of her life. ...so when you’re trying to get out the door with your guitar and your parents are reeeeeally nagging you about “including” your sister, resist the urge to lash out at them by lashing out at her. None of this is your sister’s fault really. She just wants to play music - surely you can understand that. The issue is with your parents’ (mis)calculation of which one of you kids should be made miserable in an effort to keep the other happy. It is a fool’s calculus.
Stick to your guns. You have every right to carve out time for yourself and start heading off in the directions you choose, but show some compassion for your first (and no doubt biggest) fan. Make a real effort to still spend some time with your sister playing music. I can promise you, you’ll always be able to find some joy in it, and she will doubtless love you for it forever. Then make the real effort to explain to her what is going on. Explain the upside of it to her - For example: You’ll be able to show her the new things you learn from your friends, etc. If you just completely stop playing with her, if you just shut that all down completely and leave it to your parents to explain why, either they’ll get it all wrong or she won’t believe them. She’ll probably then spin out, blame or hate herself and then start hating you and well, then you’re all off to the dysfunctional races, but at least you’ll all be together “as a family.”
But if, as I said, you make the effort with her, and if you’re lucky, three things might happen: 1) Your sister won’t hate you. 2) There will be a lot less yelling and drama in the house and 3) Your parents might even see the spark of maturity in their son and realize that while he is getting older he still loves his sister ...and perhaps is old enough to start spending more time with his friends.
Make sense? Good luck.
Dear AAP-
My little sister and I play a lot of music together and have for a long time. It was more of a family thing to do, a way to get better at our instruments and have some fun, but I have always known that I didn’t want to play in a band with her or anything. Our styles are too different and even though I enjoy what we play together when we play together, I have no interest in being seen playing it in public. She doesn’t see it that way and so now that I’m going out to jam with friends she can’t understand why I don’t invite her along or something. My parents are on me to include her sometimes, but they don’t get it and don’t want to be a jerk or anything I guess I just want to be left alone by my family when it comes to the music I really want to play versus what I play when I’m sitting around with my sister. So how do I handle them - meaning both my sister and my family? - Brother.
Dear Brother-
I’m glad you signed off with your gender. If you had only thought to include your and your sister’s ages, I would have a clearer idea of both what you’re dealing with and how best to handle it. I’m going to hazard a guess that you’re both fairly young and just starting to branch out and away from family when it comes to how you spend your leisure time.
This issue isn’t just about your sister. It is also, and perhaps mostly, about your parents and their vision (or maybe “fantasy” is a better word) of a “tight knit” family. Forgive them for that - Either they lived rare childhoods themselves or they have inaccurate memories of their pasts. Every parent dreams of having kids that get along together and create a home of peace, cooperation & endless good feeling. Reality tells us that even in the best of families those moments of harmonic convergence can be few, far between and hard-won. Before anyone accuses me of of bitterness or of perhaps projecting my own experience onto everyone else's family, let me say this: The true test of the family bond isn’t necessarily how siblings deal with each other, it is how they take on the rest of the humanity. Even the most battlesome families can’t be entirely dysfunctional if they consistently rise to each other’s defense when out there in the world. You might not want your sister in the band, but I’m guessing you would protect her to your last breath, wouldn’t you? That is what really matters.
You’re obviously at a point in your life where you’re making deeper connections with friends now… and you get to chose your friends based on mutual tastes in music (among other things.) Most people, even those who are deeply and enjoyably connected to their families, will still say that it is their friends who really “get” them. This is normal, especially in those first stages of nest-escape. As much as parents want their kids to get along with each other, they really want (or should want) their kids to be able to move out into the world with confidence, creating an independently strong life for themselves as they go. You have a right to start moving in that direction… just try not to be a D-bag about it.
Keep this in mind: You’re an older brother, so it is a fairly safe bet your sister has an idealized image of you already fully formed in her head. Like it or not, you’re going to play a role in how she learns to deal with boys and men for the rest of her life. ...so when you’re trying to get out the door with your guitar and your parents are reeeeeally nagging you about “including” your sister, resist the urge to lash out at them by lashing out at her. None of this is your sister’s fault really. She just wants to play music - surely you can understand that. The issue is with your parents’ (mis)calculation of which one of you kids should be made miserable in an effort to keep the other happy. It is a fool’s calculus.
Stick to your guns. You have every right to carve out time for yourself and start heading off in the directions you choose, but show some compassion for your first (and no doubt biggest) fan. Make a real effort to still spend some time with your sister playing music. I can promise you, you’ll always be able to find some joy in it, and she will doubtless love you for it forever. Then make the real effort to explain to her what is going on. Explain the upside of it to her - For example: You’ll be able to show her the new things you learn from your friends, etc. If you just completely stop playing with her, if you just shut that all down completely and leave it to your parents to explain why, either they’ll get it all wrong or she won’t believe them. She’ll probably then spin out, blame or hate herself and then start hating you and well, then you’re all off to the dysfunctional races, but at least you’ll all be together “as a family.”
But if, as I said, you make the effort with her, and if you’re lucky, three things might happen: 1) Your sister won’t hate you. 2) There will be a lot less yelling and drama in the house and 3) Your parents might even see the spark of maturity in their son and realize that while he is getting older he still loves his sister ...and perhaps is old enough to start spending more time with his friends.
Make sense? Good luck.
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