To the End, To the End, I'll Journey to the End.

Greetings all.
This is going to be the last Ask A Punk post for the forseeable future. Blogger spellcheck is telling me that "forseeable" isn't a word ...but then again, it is also telling me that "spellcheck" isn't a word.

I started AAP in January of 2008. Now, over three and a half years, 182 posts and nearly a quarter million words later, it is time to reflect and reconsider. The good news is that I have the opportunity to turn 'Ask A Punk' into an Ebook. The bad news is that the few hours in the week I had to dedicate to this website will now have to be spent working on the Ebook and so, well, something has to give.

I won't be taking the site down or anything, so if you're a new visitor and just stumbling upon this post I'll say - hello & welcome, please look around and read as deep as you like. I'm proud of what I did here, every Wednesday for 182 weeks (not one missed deadline!) and I hope I helped, or at the very least entertained some people.

I appreciate the loyal weekly visits of all of my regular readers (numbering in the 100s.) I knew you were out there, my 'Google Analytics' reports told me so. So a special thank-you to you folks in Minneapolis, Austin, Lynnfield, Portland, Seattle, Dublin, Sydney, Varanasi, Toronto, Rio de Janeiro, London, Manchester, Leeds, Ulster, Perth ... well, I can't name them all, but all told, thousands visitors and 100s of regular readers from 98 countries/territories including all 50 US states. I appreciate every moment you spent on the site.

Maybe to some web-savvy folks, a few hundred readers doesn't sound like much but to me it is. I never advertised, promoted or otherwise 'pushed' this website. Maybe I should have, but I didn't. So everyone who read my posts week after week did so after discovering it for themselves and then deciding to stick around. That's pretty cool.

Thanks for all your questions and supportive emails and comments. Thanks also for the flames, they made some of my weeks a bit more interesting.

Egods. I'm getting maudlin. It isn't really a big deal. Just another blogger needing a break after nearly 4 years of weekly deadlines (for no money.) As I said, I'm leaving the site up and will still be regularly checking for messages at the email address. I reserve the right to come back and start answering questions at any point in time. ...so you've been warned. ... and lord knows, when/if I get the Ebook compiled, edited down, formatted and out into the world, I'll spend some quality web time flogging the heck out of it.

That's it for now. Stay punk. Stay alive. ...and remember to pull your brothers and sisters out of the pit when they need help.

Summertime and the living is sleazy.

Dear aap- I thought I would be spending a cool summer at a local resort area. I landed a job at a restaurant, in the kitchen because I'm not a cute/waitress kind of chick. I moved into a Summer rental with some friends who are doing the same thing and thought it would be a Summer of working hard and partying hard, both of which I find equally fun, which I guess makes me a bit weird to my friends. The problem is that it is turning out to be no fun at all. I'm ok with working almost 70 hours a week, I need the $$ and no one would ever describe me as lazy... but I think if I could have found a job like this closer to home, I would have been better off just taking that because the 'fun' part isn't fun at all. My friends-turned-roommates are more annoying and spoiled than I even thought was possible. They live like four-year-olds who I guess expect the house to magically clean itself after every party, and well, you get the idea. I want to party as much as the next girl, but I don't want to be the only one cleaning up the mess the next afternoon. When i have a rare day off I want to actually enjoy the beach and the town myself, I don't want to spend it cleaning up our crappy rental place. What can I do to turn this Summer around before it is too late? - Seaside

Dear S-
There are a few things it is too late to do: such as be a better judge of potential roommates. I know that saying that doesn't help your situation, but it is always eye-opening when we're forced to live with people we've always considered 'friends' and then we suddenly see a whole new (and unappealing) side of their personalities. This isn't news, I know. It is just interesting.

As far as your situation goes, you first have to go through a couple of obvious steps. The first step is to TELL your friends what is on your mind. You describe them as basically clueless/thoughtless and no maliciously out to ruin your Summer, so maybe they just need a little reminder that their moms aren't around to clean up after them and they have to step up and do a better job as roommates. That might work. I doubt it will, but it might.

It'll probably come as no surprise that clueless / thoughtless people rarely like having this shortcoming pointed out to them and so they usually react by lashing out, arguing, or accusing 'the other people' of being "just as bad, if not worse." ... and then you're back to square one, but now with added resentment and possible name-calling. You can stage a silent protest by NOT cleaning up after the others and waiting for them to notice or complain etc... this passive-aggressive thing rarely works either...

Yeah, basically I'm saying you're screwed and you're probably going to get that thing people always end up with when they don't get what they really wanted: "experience." ... You wanted a work hard/play hard fun Summer and instead you've gotten the experience of now knowing what you don't want and hopefully you'll learn how to avoid getting into this crappy situation in future Summers. That's the bottom line. Everyone has to live through crappy roommates and disappointing Summers.

I'm not saying that you should give up. I'm saying that this is going to be a tough ship to turn around... You have to speak up soon, and directly, and let your roommates know exactly what your grievances are and what steps you would like them to take to make everyone's life better and the living situation more agreeable to all parties. You have to speak up because people are not mind-readers, they don't know you're angry or frustrated if you don't tell them... and no, they're not going to just 'notice' that 'something is bothering you' since they've already proven themselves to be the sort of self-involved and inconsiderate people who can't do their share of housecleaning. Just don't expect them to listen closely or radically change their personalities and living habits.

Kicking Ass and Taking Blame

Dear AAP-
I have spent plenty of time in moshpits which resembled brawls and I've been in a few brawls that were more like square dances with people shouting curses at each other... but now I find myself in a new dilemma. I got involved in an 'altercation' in a parking lot after a show that my band played in. It was the usual drama of some dipshit following us out to the load-out after the show, drunk and talking shit and threatening us. There was pushing and shoving but no cops were called... and then the next day I have cops at my door, charging me with assualt. Since when does a guy go where he shoudn't, say stuff he shouldn't, START trouble and then call the cops the NEXT DAY? What the fuck is that about? ...and more importantly what now? - Defender.

Dear D-
Welcome to America, where no one will take personal responsibility for their own actions. I'm glad you didn't share too many details of the altercation in your letter because the first thing I would tell you is to Stop Talking About It. Don't go on-the-record with anyone describing what might or might not have happened. Next: Immediately find a lawyer. Seriously.


Things you probably have in your favor: The cops showed up the next day and (apparently) didn't drag you away in handcuffs... which means they probably already assume it is a BS charge... but don't depend on that (repeating: shut up and get a lawyer.) Also in your favor: It sounds like the guy acted alone and hopefully you have at least one or two bandmate/roadie witnesses. You'll also want to check with the venue - maybe they have security cameras in the parking lot? ...or maybe a neighboring business does... be proactive in looking for this stuff. Basically find as much proof as you can to tell your side of the story and then keep it to yourself - Wait and see what happens. If you threw the first actual punch, you might have some trouble. Let's hope that the dude, once he gets over his hangover and his embarrassment, just forgets the whole thing... but be ready in case he doesn't

Pretty In Ink

dear ask a punk-
I'm a female musician. I've been in a couple of bands and I'm a decent player of guitar or bass. I'm not much of a songwriter yet so I do like being in a real band and not just sitting home and recording stuff by myself into my computer. The problem I'm running into now is that I'm once again looking for a new band to be in, I keep getting the vibe from people like I'm not cool enough for them. I'm cute enough. I've got style and can be pretty outrageous when it is called for. It seems the problem comes down to this mostly: I don't have any tattoos. It seems like it is now mandatory to have arms full of tattoos if you want to be in a band, or even be allowed into certain crowds. The thing is, I do like tattoos on other people, boys especially, I've got nothing against 'em and don't judge people for having them, so why am I being judged for NOT having them? That doesn't seem fair. - blank canvas.

Dear BC-
Skinny ties. Wide ties. Tight pants. Baggy pants. Long hair. Short hair. Leather jackets. Vegan shoes. Basically fashion has always been a way of indicating where our other cultural preferences are and who our chosen 'tribe' is... but all those things are temporary or removable. Hair grows out or can be cut. Old and/or embarrassing clothes can be replaced (and hopefully forgotten.) Styles, and with them, their era's definition of what is 'cool' are forever changing. It has always been this way... but tattoos are forever, right? ...and that is something very different.

What isn't different is that, as always, a 'non-conformist' subculture tends to start trying to instill conformity within the group. As I've said before, in the earliest era of Punk Rock, basically anything that didn't sound like Lynyrd Skynrd or Styx could be called "punk rock" ... including an act that consisted of two guys in suits, one playing the accordion while his band mate beat on a shopping cart (wired with microphones) with an axe handle. I know this because I opened for them. More than once ...but eventually "official" punk rock became something that carried with it certain requirements - leather jackets, torn clothes, Docs or sneakers, F-ed up hair etc etc. You get the idea. I guess the tattoo thing is/was the next logical step in pushing the envelope.

Don't get me wrong. Like you, I actually DO like tattoos (and I even have a couple.) but I don't think of them as a requirement. Funny also that, opposite of you, I usually think they look better on girls... probably due to the fairer sex being less hairy.

I would say that you have to stick to your guns here. As you said, you're not being a jerk, not judging them for having tattoos... so anyone who judges you for not having them obviously isn't on your level. Keep looking. Surely the world needs more cute and clever guitar girls who are also willing to play bass.