Dec 4, 2013

Lunch, Actually.

dear Ask A Punk
I'm working a day job and a weekend job and trying to keep a band together, which lately feels like trying to GET a band together. When I'm not at work or not working on band stuff, I like to go out and see shows and be part of my small city's music scene. The main thing is that I'm busy, ALL the time. I don't mind it and really staying busy keeps me more or less out of trouble, mostly. It also means I don't have much time for dating. I see plenty of guys out at clubs but, as a "girl in a band" I have to be careful who I date or even hook up with. There is still a definite double-standard when it comes to that kind of thing here. So I don't have a lot of time to meet guys. I know there is always online and dating sites. Done plenty of that and I don't care what people say, they don't really save all that much time, you just get to make mistakes quicker and with more people. I do miss good "company" though. So a guy at work, that I only deal with occasionally, because he is in another department, asked me out to lunch. I'm not 100% sure why, unless he IS into me, because he doesn't seem like much of a music-type. I'm tempted because he seems like he might be interesting, but a loud voice in my head is telling me not to go along with this. My girlfriends are no help on this, because they're mostly scenesters like me, but moreso because they aren't in bands, so they can hook-up with whoever they want. I know there are pros and cons to this. I'm usually pretty decisive about things like this, but this time I don't know. What's the best course? - Singer. Not a Torch Singer.

Dear SNaTS -
Go to lunch. You know you want to, otherwise you would be "decisive" about this. ...and it is just "lunch" as they say. 

There are always potential issues when/if we get involved in office romances, but you didn't really sound specifically worried about that sort of thing. It sounded more like you were worried he wouldn't be your type or you would have trouble explaining him to your scenester friends if you were to progress past a lunch date. 

And did he use the words "date" or "take you out" ?? Or did he half-ass it and say something like "We should grab lunch sometime" ? ... You might be overthinking this whole thing. Maybe he likes you, maybe he just wants to learn more about your department for reasons you couldn't even guess at. I'm saying it all sounds pretty low-stakes to me. He didn't ask you out for a Friday night or suggest "getting some drinks" or coming over to his place to play videogames or whatever. He just asked you to join him for lunch... He might not even buy your sandwich. 

What you really have to figure out are the reasons for your own ambivalence... Since you're usually so "decisive" about these things. Are you afraid he will be into you, or are you afraid he won't be? I know that being in that 'not knowing for sure' grey area can be the toughest part. Did he ask for your email (either personal or intra-office)? Did he suggest a specific day? Or was it a vague invitation? Either way, he doesn't sound especially smooth so, it sounds like the ball is definitely in your court now. Next time you see him, it'll be up to you to say "hey, how about that lunch?" It is an even money bet that he was trying to gauge your general interest in him. Don't think for a second that you're powerless in this duet. 

Maybe he is into you, maybe he isn't. Maybe you'll dig him, maybe you won't. Only one way to find out for sure - Go to lunch.